My anxiety is getting worse lately.. I already turned down 3 people who wanted to come to my house. Don't wanna deal with literally everything and everyone except working and reading. 

Been a while since the low. Maybe because I'm tired. There's cloud in my head, pressure on my chest. And I just want to lay down all day reading or anything to distract my head. Work is always an exception tho. I'm just glad that I don't have to meet with people and put up with appearance. Hope it's not too long. 

Day 4 and 5

Ugh I failed yesterday

Day 4

 James Blunt - Someone Singing Along

This song is a reminder to me that everybody doesn't always think like me (I wonder if anyone does, actually) and that's FINE. And it's also FINE for me to think like me. It is what it is, what matters is what you are (I am) going to do about it.

Day 5

Vibha Saraf - Gupchup

The newest member of my playlist. It's such a cute little song! 

 

Day 3

Miyavi - Senor Senora Senorita

Miyavi's songs always remind me of mbak ci, my big sister from another mother. In my Japan Rock craze I showed her all my fav vkei bands and musicians. She patiently listened to my ramblings, seemingly genuinely interested despite never knowing music much. She paid special attention to MYV and since then I showed her all stuff about him. As I got older, I realized that perhaps it was just to indulge me,  to make me happy. And that's one of the greatest things someone's ever done to me. She would have been a good mother. I always miss you mbak ci. I have so many stories to tell you.. 

Ouch

Seems like God saw me to be over the top today so I needed to be knocked down a couple of notch. To make me realize that I'm just a subpar. Nothing special. Inferior. Who can't even do anything's right. 

Best to remember 

Day 1 and 2

Since I'm gonna deal with deadlines instead of workdays, this challenge will be good for me to keep being aware of the dates. 😁

A bit late but here we go,

Day 1

Mika - Elle Me Dit

Despite not memorizing the lyrics (it's in French, how can I?), this song's always stuck in my head even after other songs are played. The "danse danse" part gets me everytiem.

Day 2

Twenty One Pilots - Message Man

Pure joy, being introduced to this band. Since I love rhymes, I always fond of rap, but sometimes, if the mood strikes, rap songs are too much for mellow me. TØP has managed to polish the hard edge of rap songs. Plus I like songs that either have good story or good mystery in the lyrics. Songs that can envoke emotions. TØP has them too. Along with the grow of the band, this "whatever" genre seemed to grow too. Lucky me.

July the 1st

Time. It moves so fast, doesn't it.
Especially when you're in a limbo. I barely remember the days before today. Not that today changes everything.

So I read a lot. That's an healthy way to cope at least. Not that that's something to be brag about since I only read fanfiction. People tend to underrate fanfiction. Anyway, we know that I am overindulgent. With how much I read, I'm afraid to lose interest over it. This is one of the very few joyful things I can do to tune out the world. But I can't stop, or limit it. I need it too much.

I lost weight too btw. My biggest achievement of this miserable year. With a lot of idle time at hand I found myself not doing anything good or healthy. Not even any exercise. So, I might have just not eaten and lost my weight in the process. I bought this diet pill and it helped me to lessen my crazy appetite. It's very expensive though, so I have to use it wisely. I only eat once everyday with some occasional cheat days. A small meal if I can help it. The pill made me so thirsty, so i drank a lot too. In result, I lost a total of 7 KG. I don't see myself change much. But I feel a bit lighter inside.

I got a very good new job, it makes me busy and don't think too much. Alas, it's temporary.

I'm posting. It always means bad

Well, let's lay them out first.

The Virus

Unpaid Day Off Work

Fucked Financial 

Limbo Relationship 

Aside from that, surprisingly I feel fine.