Because a deadline is not dead enough - A New Year Resolution

I have this.. urge.. to post something (anything) every time I have a deadline approaching (fast). I've already exhausted all of my social media accounts by posting pictures, words, sentences which most of them, I'm sure, did not make sense.

It's a procrastination, yeah I know. What I don't know is, why do I keep doing it when I painfully aware that if I don't stop (like, right now) the work cannot be done by itself and the deadline is getting closer (fast). It does not affect my work though (I assure you, o my dear clients), I have this superpower that makes me (along with my precious brain) stop sleeping (at all) for two days straight, so, yeah.

It's just.. apparently, this procrastination thingy is not healthy. People are starting to notice my black circles and a sudden paleness of a face. So, Even though I'm not known for my healthy lifestyle, I'll make this as my new year resolution to stop procrastinating. There.. you have it.

The High Warlock's Magic - Magnus Bane

Magnus Bane is my Favorite character from Shadowhunters TV show represented by the talented actor Harry Shum Jr. And.. yes, I'm obsessed with his hands.

Another glimpse

I'm just a girl who is crazy about many things. Funny enough, those things are what make this shit life full of vibrant colors.

Coward i am

There's so much anger, so much sadness in me that i NEED to let out. But i can't. I don't know how to express it. Call me a whiny, attention seeker, or such. Maybe i am. I don't know. I don't even know why i have to let them out. Why I don't just sit tight and wallow silently. I don't know. I'm just restless. Feeling like i need to do something and i can't stop feeling angry and sad. There's a lot of worrying stuff in my mind. Insecurity also plays a big role. Fate blaming is so old, but what else can i do?. Everything is just out of reach. Everything is scattered and i hate it. I am so sad, so angry, yet i don't want to let anyone close to me know how childish i am. Perhaps they know already, and they also don't know what to do with me. I don't know what to do with me.

i'm so sad

many years too late

Here we go again
A year went in vain
a walk of shame
will the next be the same?
Every time I saw a tiny hope shimmering
It flew away along with the spring
left without a good note
Just when I was about to unlace the knot
and I'm not allowed to wallow
as if this is not breaking my world
crumbling the already fragile structure
well the next is different though
hold on to that thought

Nostalgia

There's a reason why you feel like crying everytime you hear an old song playing on your playlist. Maybe it's because you can't handle the rush of feelings, the memories, the dreams, the innocence. And then you look around you. You notice your failure everywhere. You feel that you've let your past-self down by being you are now. You desperately want to go back and change it all. You look at both of your hands. The pair that were unable to help you reach your dream. Disappointed, you put them on your eyes, blocking your sight. See no more. Just listen, and weep.

torchwood fic rec bottom!ianto

I've been a fan of this fandom for long. On and off. And I've been told that most of the fics are bottom!ianto, hence the lack of tags, recs or communities that are specializing in bottom!ianto. But from what I found, almost ninety percent fics i've read are switch, if not full with Ianto being the top. I am not being hateful. I still read those great fics. Maybe I am just an old-fashioned woman who like Ianto as the uke and bottom. Reading a good fic, and getting stumbled upon something that is not my cup of tea, it lessens the level of enjoyment. So i'd like to be warned. I'd like to be able to enjoy a good fic with a reasurance that if there is sex, it'll be bottom!ianto. So, because no one do it, i'll do it myself. And since i've read a huge amount of fics, i forgot which is which, so it will be a slow process while i'm rereading my fav fics. I have to be sure 😄

Crumbling

I'm lost of word. Feels like there's no ground beneath my feet. Feels like falling. My stomach is churning. But.. suprisingly, its not as bad as it supposed to be.. maybe its the shock.. or i still can't manage to accept the truth. Whatever it is, i already resigned this heart. Life never goes as planned, why do i keep fighting on it?