the remnants cannot be whole again
even forever can't soothe the pain
all of the regrets that remain,
all come to mere stain.
there's nothing in this desolate little space but rain
the hopes can only pine in restraint
all of the dreams you've bargained,
all come to mere disdain.
where's that love gone?
when you told me that i am no longer your one.
i wonder when it has gone.
when did it go from worse to indifferent.
from the unflappable to no longer certain
to a lover that is need'nt.
i miss that moment when i had my comfort of denial.
way before i acknowledged my fall,
i was a man with a mask of steel
there's nowhere my breath anyone can steal
but now that you had changed it all
i got a first taste of betrayal
because you don't like to be treated fragile.
pretending that you're not really ill
everyone's expecting me to bolt and run when everything is no longer fun.
but in the end its you who actually crumble at the glimpse of trouble.
yes, yes sometimes i wish you to take the pills and just, to be fine.
but you can't blame me to worry for my family, Ian.
even if now you despise to be one of mine.
so this is it?
after all this time,
are we just.. over?
what scares me the most is being left alone with my own thought - my worst enemy.
what annoys me the most is when i talk nonsense - which i always do.
what irks me the most is my ego - something that the world is better without.
what i hate the most is my very existence - because of how i love myself too much.
what bothers me the most is how i love myself too much - and theres nothing that is worse than loving yourself too much.
as everyone is asleep i'm awake without all of the fakes.
as everyone buries themselves in dreams, i play and replay my memories.
sometimes i smile, for the best part of the day has yet to happen.
i have no reason to be sad, as tomorrow brings the new leaven.
the after is always excites my nerves while the before is only the pretest. Lord, my dearest Lord.. to whom it to be addressed, my uncontained pulse burst into rainbow.
I'm a fujoshi, which means I'm absolutely obsessed with male/male romantic relationships. It's a part of me that people don't really get. It might seem a bit crazy, but I don't regret it (yet). I grew up as a normal girl... well, as normal as a girl with excessive emotions can be. When I love something, I love it obsessively, and when I hate something, I don't hesitate to destroy it.
My story began with manga, Japanese comic books. The first manga I fell in love with was Candy Candy, a surprisingly normal one. Then, I stumbled upon a manga about two boys who were childhood best friends. One boy was absent-minded and forgetful, and his best friend thought his mother mistreated him. But it turned out the boy had psychic powers and anger management issues, and his mother was wiping his memories daily to prevent him from getting angry. This manga blew my mind, and I couldn't forget the image of the two boys hugging.
After that, I always looked for shounen ai manga (manga about male/male relationships), but it was hard to find. Then, my focus shifted to Japanese rock bands, especially visual kei bands. I couldn't resist pretty boys singing hardcore music and giving fan service like kissing and hugging.
My obsession escalated when I discovered "slash stories," which are about male/male relationships. There were so many stories online, and they were in English. I wasn't good at English in high school, but these stories improved my vocabulary a lot.
One fanfiction that had a huge impact on me was a Harry Potter slash story about Harry and Draco. It blew my mind and sucked me into the world of fanfiction. Since then, I've read thousands of fics and have many favorite fandoms and OTPs.
Although there are fanfics written in my native language, I prefer reading and writing in English. I even write my own fanfiction, despite not being the best writer. But when it comes to reading, I'm an expert and can tell good writing from bad.
That's a bit about me and my journey as a fujoshi. It's been wild, but I wouldn't have it any other way!
4/30/15 3:48 PM
to be truthful, i only watch this series because of mickey/ian part. but theres a reason why this series is still going on strong in US. all of the characters are harsh, real, but at the same time, human. they can be cruel and sans moral that never fail to make me cringe everytime. but there're also many awesome moments when they genuinely care about 'family' or when they struggle to be a better person. my favorite character is -goes without saying- mickey milkovich. ppl call him a white trash tug.. well, he is.. he never does a single honest work. he likes to destroy things as well as human. hell, he even sells his ex-whore wife to the highest bid. but when he loves, he 'loves'. he can be a jerk at first. he tried to deny it. doing things that was actually hurting his lover and himself. but after he becomes more honest with himself, there's no turning back. he'll do everything for his loved one, because family for him is everything that matter.
