Music to me

If you play me a song and tell me it's beautiful then i'd most likely to agree. If I play you a song and tell you it's really great, I don't blame you to either stay or flee. Oh, and don't ask me about a particular song, I'll listen to it thrice then write you an essay. My taste in music is like a clay, shaped in any way. 65% of my phone battery is spent on spotify. I have various genre, language, and mood playlists on standby.  I may not like every songs, but I listen and listen until i relent, eventually. I may not know every songs but I believe there's always beauty in every melody.

Living on anaesthetic.

Living on anaesthetic.
No one seems to get it.
Losing the feeling on the fingertips yet cold seeps through, hot burns through.
Living on anaesthetic
Seems too much to take in.
But the mind is big enough for another universe.
Living on anaesthetic.
Not to be fixed.
To live a little safer.
-Adqz
Inspired from the song Anaesthetic by Thompston

Always

He is running to the never-end of the ring of life.
Winding in and winding out for a chance to survive.
Wavering in a crunching numbers of grief.
Cowering behind the so called belief.

Always.

But he never gets tired of this kind of life.
He doesn't leave off and live with a wife.
He takes pleasure from every single new leaf.
He waits for his very own magical relief.

Always.

-Adqz

A name and a comrade

I used to run at the sight of the sun. I moved back down, made no mistake about it. I merely bowed when my mind pulled me by the head and jerked me around. I used to wake up at the whitest of the day, already wishing for the next day. I wondered, I wandered to an impossible future. I used to despise regret. I found a solution in forgetfulness, a solace in blissful unawareness. I used to write and delete. I bailed like no one business. I used to over process everything, to be overthinking, that it came out nothing. Nothing comes out from nothing. But something did come through though. Something that is as simple as a name and a comrade. Somehow everything got easier after that.

good bye

the imminent death
come through the alley
bringing me the hearth
burns the rotten me

many roads to die
yearn the merciful
a painless goodbye
revert back to null

can share me gallows
can give me the pills
the looming shadows
they're close to kill

either one or those
slashed heart still hurt most
dragging pain of those
wish death the foremost

the set is likely
there will come the end
forget so readily
unable to stand

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vain (2)

the remnants cannot be whole again
even forever can't soothe the pain
all of the regrets that remain,
all come to mere stain.

there's nothing in this desolate little space but rain
the hopes can only pine in restraint
all of the dreams you've bargained,
all come to mere disdain.

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MIKA - Good Guys (review)

I love Mika, but there's no music video of Mika that i especially like until this one was out. Both of the song and the video are beautiful. They gave new insights of life in different perspectives. but let's focus on video only shall we? because if i talk about the song, it'll be a long exhausting journey of fangirling babbles.

So, what makes his video special? on the video we can only see Mika and the dancers in a huge warehouse. Mika is moved by the dancers like he is a doll *coughtoyboycough*. The video in my interpretation is about how our life are unconsciously being dictated from when we open our eyes in the morning until we close them in the night. sometimes we cannot live the life that we want to because the society forbid it. they make us to hide our trueself. They rule what we are supposed to be and how we lead our life.

My favorite part is when Mika tries to run from the dancer. when he runs, i can see his desire to escape from the binds of society that is represented by the dancers. yes, in the end he is caught, but what matter is his will to be free. to be what he is. Thus lead us to his lyric in the song "Only hoping one day I could be so bold", because by making this song and music video, he tells us that that one day has come. And i wish that one day i could be so bold like him.

when it falls, it falls

where's that love gone?
when you told me that i am no longer your one.
i wonder when it has gone.

when did it go from worse to indifferent.
from the unflappable to no longer certain
to a lover that is need'nt.

i miss that moment when i had my comfort of denial.
way before i acknowledged my fall,
i was a man with a mask of steel
there's nowhere my breath anyone can steal

but now that you had changed it all
i got a first taste of betrayal
because you don't like to be treated fragile.
pretending that you're not really ill

everyone's expecting me to bolt and run when everything is no longer fun.
but in the end its you who actually crumble at the glimpse of trouble.

yes, yes sometimes i wish you to take the pills and just, to be fine.
but you can't blame me to worry for my family, Ian.
even if now you despise to be one of mine.

so this is it?
after all this time,
are we just.. over?

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this morning

as everyone is asleep i'm awake without all of the fakes.
as everyone buries themselves in dreams, i play and replay my memories.
sometimes i smile, for the best part of the day has yet to happen.
i have no reason to be sad, as tomorrow brings the new leaven.

the after is always excites my nerves while the before is only the pretest. Lord, my dearest Lord.. to whom it to be addressed, my uncontained pulse burst into rainbow.

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Not to wake

This lucidity of mine
slowly scatters my carefuly built mind
makes them into remains
pulls hard to all the already broken reins

rush as far as you like
won't change that it's still a ten-mile hike
an iron spike is all you have
as you've always known that it's all just a naff

i want to break the reality
dissolve it until blurry

believe me it's not peace that you're looking for
but pain
the pain that will make you stay grounded
that will make you more alive even in your death

i am stranded
i can only see red
i am asking the answer of my own
i believe i am drown

don't be silly
water is not for burrying a body
water will not drown you
water will get rid of you

the origin of love

so, IMO, Lucifer's greatest mistake is that he loves God too much. He was blinded of human worth because of his jealousy and arrogance. Michael's love is as strong, but different in a way. He loves God with his blind obidience. He takes what is given and gives what is asked.

Love is powerful. it can shove you deep down the pit. it can save you from the perdition.

bleak hope

vain escape mould into the continuity.
leave on the nakedness to seal the misery.
could you pretend that returning darkness reward enough for peace?
that you are not sinking into the anguish?
the perfect dream soon dissolve into a soiled air you're fool enough to breath in.
but still it's haunting in your closed eyes.
ghost to the mind that no longer sane.
makes you crawl when you cannot run.
overwhelms you with the glimmer of the sun.
until you decided to grasp it.
thus begins the vicious circle.

tapping the nose

Some days are simply not the day
When faith begins to fray
When words led you astray
The doom song is at play

suffocated by the present
haunted by the past,
terrified of the future.
Swaying with the steps that always waver.

Because safety is only a myth
And the walls are moving closer.
Racing with the scythe
Yet no exit door for the quitter.

but there's no sense in crying for every lost throne.
Closed heart will not giving back the crown
No mistake in leaving the glory to the untold
Then see that there's always a hand to hold

to stop doesn't mean to freeze.
no reason not to storm in and chase the wind out
No, we're not as big as the great sun.
but we're not as tiny as we think we are.


about 'hope' is justified.
but 'believing' is to survive.
breath.. breath.. the inhales and the exhales are sign that we're alive.
so what do you say?

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