Not to wake

This lucidity of mine
slowly scatters my carefuly built mind
makes them into remains
pulls hard to all the already broken reins

rush as far as you like
won't change that it's still a ten-mile hike
an iron spike is all you have
as you've always known that it's all just a naff

i want to break the reality
dissolve it until blurry

believe me it's not peace that you're looking for
but pain
the pain that will make you stay grounded
that will make you more alive even in your death

i am stranded
i can only see red
i am asking the answer of my own
i believe i am drown

don't be silly
water is not for burrying a body
water will not drown you
water will get rid of you