im sick

i can't breath thru my nose, i got a headache, my stomach feels strange, my throat is itchy, i can't sleep despite the amount of pills that i took, and i feel so hot!
mum... T_T

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my birthday

what is sad? sad is when someone you care about doesn't care about you in your birthday.. i hate birthdays.. reminders that you are getting old. i really appreaciate those who text me on my birthday, giving me well wishes. that means they still care enough to say it. but, i'm getting older now, and i dont want to smile anymore. thats why i need some TLC
TT_TT

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vain (2)

the remnants cannot be whole again
even forever can't soothe the pain
all of the regrets that remain,
all come to mere stain.

there's nothing in this desolate little space but rain
the hopes can only pine in restraint
all of the dreams you've bargained,
all come to mere disdain.

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MIKA - Good Guys (review)

I love Mika, but there's no music video of Mika that i especially like until this one was out. Both of the song and the video are beautiful. They gave new insights of life in different perspectives. but let's focus on video only shall we? because if i talk about the song, it'll be a long exhausting journey of fangirling babbles.

So, what makes his video special? on the video we can only see Mika and the dancers in a huge warehouse. Mika is moved by the dancers like he is a doll *coughtoyboycough*. The video in my interpretation is about how our life are unconsciously being dictated from when we open our eyes in the morning until we close them in the night. sometimes we cannot live the life that we want to because the society forbid it. they make us to hide our trueself. They rule what we are supposed to be and how we lead our life.

My favorite part is when Mika tries to run from the dancer. when he runs, i can see his desire to escape from the binds of society that is represented by the dancers. yes, in the end he is caught, but what matter is his will to be free. to be what he is. Thus lead us to his lyric in the song "Only hoping one day I could be so bold", because by making this song and music video, he tells us that that one day has come. And i wish that one day i could be so bold like him.

when it falls, it falls

where's that love gone?
when you told me that i am no longer your one.
i wonder when it has gone.

when did it go from worse to indifferent.
from the unflappable to no longer certain
to a lover that is need'nt.

i miss that moment when i had my comfort of denial.
way before i acknowledged my fall,
i was a man with a mask of steel
there's nowhere my breath anyone can steal

but now that you had changed it all
i got a first taste of betrayal
because you don't like to be treated fragile.
pretending that you're not really ill

everyone's expecting me to bolt and run when everything is no longer fun.
but in the end its you who actually crumble at the glimpse of trouble.

yes, yes sometimes i wish you to take the pills and just, to be fine.
but you can't blame me to worry for my family, Ian.
even if now you despise to be one of mine.

so this is it?
after all this time,
are we just.. over?

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dont read too much into it

what scares me the most is being left alone with my own thought - my worst enemy.
what annoys me the most is when i talk nonsense - which i always do.
what irks me the most is my ego - something that the world is better without.
what i hate the most is my very existence - because of how i love myself too much.
what bothers me the most is how i love myself too much - and theres nothing that is worse than loving yourself too much.

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this morning

as everyone is asleep i'm awake without all of the fakes.
as everyone buries themselves in dreams, i play and replay my memories.
sometimes i smile, for the best part of the day has yet to happen.
i have no reason to be sad, as tomorrow brings the new leaven.

the after is always excites my nerves while the before is only the pretest. Lord, my dearest Lord.. to whom it to be addressed, my uncontained pulse burst into rainbow.

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