Not to wake

This lucidity of mine
slowly scatters my carefuly built mind
makes them into remains
pulls hard to all the already broken reins

rush as far as you like
won't change that it's still a ten-mile hike
an iron spike is all you have
as you've always known that it's all just a naff

i want to break the reality
dissolve it until blurry

believe me it's not peace that you're looking for
but pain
the pain that will make you stay grounded
that will make you more alive even in your death

i am stranded
i can only see red
i am asking the answer of my own
i believe i am drown

don't be silly
water is not for burrying a body
water will not drown you
water will get rid of you

first day of 2015 eh?

So.. how is it going, you ask?
last year was nice to me, i think..
terrible mistakes i made, had a way to find its solution.
all the worries settled comfortably into hope.

i still can feel the overwhelming rope.
but that's okay, i'm getting the hang of it.

i dont expect much for this year.
but just try to stop my prayer.

this life that i've been chosen to live.
i waste my worth by being too naive.
i always scream to be saved.
but being an ignorant self, its inevitable to be caved.

i'm forgetful of being thankful.
always say that something really nice in my life is something that i was deprived.
ungrateful of me.
maybe if that's not me, it won't be too hard to favor me.

and then i wish to be more mature to know myself.
to admit the scars and the bruises from my own fangs.
let us see for this year yeah?

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